At twenty-one years of age I have done some things in my life that others can only dream of, and some things no one should ever be proud of, but they are not as bad as most people think. I’ve never been a whore, but yes I’ve posed naked. I’ve never been addicted to anything besides Ganja, cigarettes and my own depression. I live out of a back pack because I’m too lazy to do anything else and don’t really think it would do any good. I cannot seem to keep track of time to save my life, a week seems like eternity when I think about it but then it goes by in a flash. The most commonly asked question for me is, “where do I see myself in 5-10-20 years?” here is your answer…I don’t. at least not yet anyway. That’s changing. I’ve noticed a disruptive wave in my thought patterns, and I guess other would see it as a good thing, growing up in a common term for it. Yet I’m not sure it I would call it that. Not yet, right not it’s more of I’m falling, I’m no longer floating and I cannot get my wings working to save me. I’ve lost my face of innocence and I sure has hell don’t have control over my words anymore, or my thoughts for that matter. I find myself wondering, would it really be so bad to just waste away in a blissful haze of drugs and booze but then I remember that I do have a reason, a tiny itty bitty one, bit there is one, it’s called my perspective. This all illusive image in my mind that I have battled so long for people to see, the one I have tried to give up so many times. Tried to change so that it seemed more normal, easier for people to understand, but I always failed, ending in a fiery blaze with my soul screaming. Even my mother calls me tainted, a word I wear like a badge of honor, but my perspective, yes, it is tainted, but so is life. Going back to the beginning, Warning: the names and places have not been changed to protect the innocent, for in this life no one is innocent. Including me. I’m not a good girl. I never had a right to pretend I was. I lost my innocence when I turned six, and I’ve been using it to my advantage ever since. I’ve become something horrible to myself, my own monster in my pack. Not in action, per say, but by mental standards I have bet myself on a loosing hand. My perspective has become frayed, warped, and has quite a few holes in it. I just want out of this hole.